“You either have it or you don’t.” People love to say this about many things in life.
This sentence makes us feel good and cozy in our comfort zone. If you “don’t have it,” then you may not have to do “it”. If you “don’t have it,” people will “understand you”. But on the flip side, if you “don’t have it” and you don’t try to learn how to “have it”, you are the one who misses out the most!
My business and life agenda is about taking action, being proactive and not letting challenges bring us down.
We all know business and life isn’t always easy, but it’s in our hands to make it right, especially as entrepreneurs and business owners when we are the driving force.
What you know isn’t always enough
It took me almost 10 years to understand this concept.
I started my career when I was 16, and I was always a very communicative and verbal speaker – but I didn’t know a whole lot yet. Knowing how to communicate doesn’t mean you know how to talk business and network in business.
Today I want to share with you some of my mistakes that took me many years to acknowledge and, most importantly, learn from! It’s not easy to share your flaws…but I want you to know them and hopefully learn from them faster than I did.
I’m sharing this because I want you to know that you can get better at networking by simply making small changes in your approach and actions, and through practice.
I personally know countless business people and entrepreneurs that started their career as shy introverts, and through their experiences they have developed their communication skills immensely!
Learn from my common small talk mistakes
Mistake 1: Over-talking conversations
I used to talk and talk and talk. I thought that was how you listened when you are in a conversation: you talk.
Well, no.
Silent moments were scary. Sometimes I would even think about topics in advance to avoid silence. Not only was I “off course” by doing this, but my topics weren’t always relevant and my jokes were hard to understand.
All I always wanted was to engage with people, to entertain, to feel like I belonged.
That’s it. Looking back, I realize that I was not aware of myself, nor other peoples’ needs for self-expression and acknowledgment.
Mistake 2: The art of how not to listen
I thought I knew how to listen to people when they talked, but apparently, I was fundamentally wrong!
I did two main things:
1) Just wait. Wait until my turn comes and I get to talk, or take over and start talking while the other person talks.
2) Think about what I should say when it’s my turn.
This is not how a conversation is supposed to be. Conversations, let alone small talk, should be about complementary communication, where what one side says fits in with the idea and intention of the other side. Also, the role of small talk is to enable us to learn about the person we’re speaking with and assess him or her. If we don’t listen, we won’t be able to do so.
Mistake 3: My body wasn’t talking the right language
Back in the days when I was more insecure and less self-assured, I was protecting (so to speak) myself in conversations with new people. I used to cross my arms over my body or hold items next to me. I could not look people in the eye with the confidence and care that I can today. Those were big signals that I wasn’t comfortable.
Mistake 4: Personal what pitch?
It was hard for me to explain what I did. Each meeting I had a new pitch to tell. I didn’t acknowledge the importance of conveying a unified personal message. So people found it hard to understand what I did and what I wanted from them, which of course (badly) affected the results of those meetings.
Mistake 5: I didn’t know how to give and help
For as long as I can remember, I have been a giver. I always wanted to help people and connect them to those who could help them more. Little did I know in my early days that there was a way to do just that. But, initially, I found myself offering help that I thought the person needed without asking what he or she actually needed first. There is a huge difference here!
Since then, of course, I learned that if we want to help someone, we should help them with what they need, and not what we think they need.
My mistakes were a gift
But you know what the best part is?
My intentions were always positive, good, and connection-oriented. I always wanted to know people better and let them know me more. Looking back, those mistakes were a gift.
Thanks to those gifts I was able to learn, improve and build my own method to effective small talk!
Today, I know exactly how to manage a good small talk and what the foundations or secrets are to an effective small talk that can drive more clients my way or open up more opportunities with every person I speak with.
I encourage you to think what “mistakes” gave you some of your best life’s lessons.
Keep networking your way to success!
Lirone
